Robot Humorist Gifts

"You've been replaced by a new AI program, but we can keep you on until it's finished it's vacation."

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

Screen Time vs Book Time

"OMG, LOL!"

Terry had a computer bug.

'What do you mean, I just flunked the Turing test?'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

Fenton G. Gonklemeyer, Computer Scientist - Booted Up 1928 and Crashed 2009.

Hardware and software

"Good heavens William, what have you downloaded off the internet this time?"

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

Knight in armor is using his jousting pole as a selfie stick.

GO AHEAD ... MAKE MY DAY!

"Darn autocorrect!"

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Chef copy robot

Backlash industries: makers of the macro-chip, bigger, slower..and it even makes mistakes

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Masonry robot, what are you doing?'

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

I downloaded Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" into it's memory, and now the "command" key isn't working.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

"Siri meets Alexa" "What can I help you with?" "I'm sorry, I can't answer that."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'Trust me. Those shells have always been wireless.'

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

'Now where's my Tibbles got to?'

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

'for more obit info, go to...'