Road Rascal Pillows

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

Is this what they call inherent safety?

"I'm turning into my mother, and it's awesome!"

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

Driverless Car

'Ruddy european labelling legislation'

Bike Lane

"Isn't 85 the new 55?"

Congestion Eases Inexplicably

Ram Raiders deterred due to wet paint.

'Hey! Who left the television off?'

"Ma'am, are you aware of how many braggy, preachy bumper stickers you've got plastered on the back of your car?"

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

Angry driver

Evolution of the PED X-Ing sign.

Man: 'Oh for HEAVEN'S sake Zachary! WHAT have I told you about RUNNING THROUGH the house?!

'I'm getting pretty tired of all these potholes.'

'I'm afraid your 'giggle-pin's' gone on your 'laugh-shaft'!'

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

Speed camera: 'Police fund-raiser, please increase your speed now.'

The Tour de Pants.

Boy throwing mud over a coachman's heels

'Speed Limit 65' 'Age Limit 85'.

The Fourteen Yard Dash

'Melvin, you have so much lead in your pants you don't need an apron....

Weather forecasters tell lies!