Race Day Rascal Pillows

The Tour de Pants.

'Your shoe's untied.'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'Now will you pull over and ask for directions?'

First past the post.

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

'Ruddy european labelling legislation'

"It's only a 2-k race, but in the 10 years we've sponsored it, nobody's ever finished."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

'I plucked myself. It reduces drag in the water.'

Congestion Eases Inexplicably

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

Ram Raiders deterred due to wet paint.

'Hey! Who left the television off?'

'Best let them know there's a couple of loose horses at the fourth!'

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

Bus rally tour

'Honestly! You'd do anything to win the Community Balloon Race, wouldn't you?'

Biggest Hat Award

Man: 'Oh for HEAVEN'S sake Zachary! WHAT have I told you about RUNNING THROUGH the house?!

'I'm afraid your 'giggle-pin's' gone on your 'laugh-shaft'!'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"