Rain Rascal Pillows

Weather forecasters tell lies!

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

'Ruddy european labelling legislation'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

"Typical, I hadn't finished complaining about the heat..."

Ram Raiders deterred due to wet paint.

'Hey! Who left the television off?'

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

Man: 'Oh for HEAVEN'S sake Zachary! WHAT have I told you about RUNNING THROUGH the house?!

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

'I'm afraid your 'giggle-pin's' gone on your 'laugh-shaft'!'

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

The Tour de Pants.

Boy throwing mud over a coachman's heels

'I'm afraid releasing that information would not be in the public interest.'

"You'll never eat all that. Your problem is your eyes are bigger than your stomach."

'Melvin, you have so much lead in your pants you don't need an apron....

'How impressive! I had no idea they awarded a Nobel Prize for home winemaking.'

Devil

For the last time, Mr. Clooney - That's not what we do here.

'I found a sure way to score at the races. Don't pick horses, pick pockets.'

"British Rail regrets the delay of......"