Rivalry Maven Gifts

Neighbors tossing leaves over fence.

Muscles

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Ninja bread men"

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Was that my pager or yours?"

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

'Gesundheit.'

Ski lift mobile

Nature Lovers

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"Arthur, I need my space."

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

Nato Membership

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"Fetch! What about a please?"

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Gesundheit!"

Politeness opens doors