Ritual Buff Pillows

Don't worry, we don't really sacrifice

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

TSA Noah

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Look man, no wings!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Caption Contest TK

"Believe me it's only an apple."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Bible Bloopers

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

'Even More Disciples'

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

'Moses looks back - 'The commandments, the Red Sea, the books of the bible, but I never had a hit song.'

Don't tell me fibs! I know ou wrote to the Corinthians, and ya wrote to the Romans, bnot to mention to Galatians, but do you write to your mother?

'Quit throwing dinner plates, Gentle Jesus.'