Rite Of Passage Ponderer Gifts

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

"Well, if not now, can I have a man cave after I reach puberty?"

Historical memory is on life support.

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"Today, son, you are a man."

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Before I undertake my journey, I require you to make me a warrior's headband.'

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Have you noticed how the grass is always greener on the other side?'

"I'm having trouble with my long-term memory -- I can't remember my earlier reincarnations."

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

Jesus wept

Some moss pounces on a rolling stone.

"How long has he been missing?"

Three Wise Monkeys with MP3 players: Hear no evil, hear no evil, hear no evil

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

Beer Van and Ice Cream Van

'What did He do before he was God?'

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

Door sign states: Reincarnation studies Come again ... and again.

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"Recent studies now show that people who use the aphorism ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ have compromised immune systems."