Risky Punter Gifts

Three Unwise Men

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

I think you're ace

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

'We're under a lot of time-pressure here, so we'll need to jump to conclusions.'

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

Fan-Centric Stadium

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'Well, you were convicted on three out of ten counts - at least we beat the point spread.'

Hamlet.

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

"I take it the tortoise wasn't available."

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

A Good Bet.

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

Bureau of statistics and probability

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

Gambler And Umpire

"Heel."

Keep Your End Up