Problem-solving Punter Gifts

Donkey Fights

"I never accomplish the impossible, if I did it would become an expectation."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

Fan-Centric Stadium

Math Jokes

Vikings to the Super bowl.

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Bretheren and Sistern out there in Congregational Land!"

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

A Good Bet.

Saloon Selectives

Time and money on a seesaw are equals.

"We can patch 'em, but you'd have to settle for half-decent intentions."

Dolphin at bar - 'I'm in disguise'

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

67 79 97. I thought they'd be more vigorous. I said they're "primes," not "in their prime." 30.

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

Three Unwise Men

Man at the winnings collection point in the bookie's is asleep.

'Twenty quid will be great, I'll give you it back on Thursday when I get my Giro.'

Gambler And Umpire

Use the word "pail" around the chickens. The word "bucket" scares them.

"I think we need to spend some time apart."

'I'm really quite religious. I pray every time I buy a lottery ticket.'

"You're Not Bending Your Knees."

"My paycheque this month is actually less than I made on the football pool."