Punter With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

A Good Bet.

'What he lacks in speed he gains in nose.'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

'We had an Old Testament skit today. Al Sims was the Hittite, and I was the hittee.'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

"No, I'm not a hare, I just happen to have big ears..."

'Hopefully this will not have a negative impact on my dinner.'

Hamlet.

"I take it you'l like to open joint accounts. . ."

'The blooming thing took a wrong turn off the course.'

'My mom says an apple a day keeps the physician's assistant away.'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'Hey, Lady, this is a sixty zone!'

Surfin' the web.

"You may be more familiar with her maiden name, Kelly, Grace Kelly."

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

'I have a rasp in my throat.'

Timmy Gets Solitary.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'Oh, yes, he's patriotic alright - only uses the Red Lion, the White Hart and the Blue Boar!!'

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

'I bet I can tell you the score before the game starts. Nil-nil.'

'I hope you get an ice cream headache!'

Granny's Old Tyme Prostitute Chocolate Chip Cookies

Football will be penalised...

Gag t-shirt for Mensa members.