Rig Risers Gifts

Oil Output Reduced

"You must be the newly qualified driver."

"It's another day, Phil. Planning to suit up?"

'Sorry, you're overqualified for this job.'

Father changing nappy, "Heir freshener"

Cover story: Oil Workers Monthly.

'Sir, we've drilled so deep this time that we've reached Arab oil.'

Army Barracks

"I love the smell of unemployment in the morning."

"Baldo, time to get up! It's the first day of school!"

'To be honest, I'm not sure if a HAZARD ASSESSMENT would have seen this one coming!'

"Dang it."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'You know Doug just isn't a morning person. This afternoon's not looking too good, either.'

Ballad of Offshore Drilling.

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

"See what a few beers mingled with some great ideas will do for the boss?"

A 'failed' brake check!

'My body is a temple. A temple full of fat people.'

"On days when I need to get out of bed and go to work, I close my eyes until the feeling passes."

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

You are not alone! It is a TEAM EFFORT!

Oil Rig with a giant plug.

"Look at the bright side - employment for thousands trying to clean it up."

Oil Workers

'I want to be ready when the sea level rises!'

"Yes, I'm really enjoying it here since my promotion, Joe, and by the way you're fired."

"I won't be in the office today, my apathy is acting up again."

Although they knew it had no practical applications, they couldn't help but be jealous of Jeb's shiny new 19-wheeler.

'yes, up every day at dawn, but there was a shameful time as a teenager when I used to sleep in until noon sometimes...'

'That rig has made me feel more like a man than any woman ever did.'

Safety: 'When Can I Work On My Own?'