Revenge Mastermind Gifts

"It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer’s true IP address, name, birthdate, and bank account number… …and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It cost me a vinyl record, a mountain dew and a crate of cheetos, but was worth it."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

Manager. Managing a political campaign and a baseball team are alike in many ways. A campaign is launched with a "first pitch," when a candidate gives a speech selling himself or herself. I change pitchers based on the game situation. In politics and baseball, sometimes it's best to come from the right side and sometimes it's best to come from the left side. We study our competitors' weaknesses and exploit those. In politics we call that "opposition research." And I don't worry about the

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

"This is the rendezvous point where you'll make contact with the target and organically bring up if he things I'm cool."

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

Avram Grant, Premier League Manager.

The inventions of baseball

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

David Lean

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

Playing with the world.

"The report says our leadership skills are poor, what can we do?"

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"I have mess recognition. I show my messy room and my phone knows it has to be me."

'Crowley has a black belt in bombing.'