Revenge Mastermind Pillows

"It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer’s true IP address, name, birthdate, and bank account number… …and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It cost me a vinyl record, a mountain dew and a crate of cheetos, but was worth it."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"This is the rendezvous point where you'll make contact with the target and organically bring up if he things I'm cool."

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

"Actually, living well on his money is the best revenge."

The inventions of baseball

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

Playing with the world.

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"As you persist in pretending to throw that stick, I have retrieved something else. See you in Hell, Hal."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

"The report says our leadership skills are poor, what can we do?"

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

'Crowley has a black belt in bombing.'