Criminal Mastermind Pillows

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

"But the worst part is that when I was arrested, I was working at the height of my creative powers!"

'So we hijacked a car, rammed an ATM and they got us when we ran out of money filling the car with petrol.'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

Wow. Totaled. Teen Test Dummy.

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

Tetracycline: Bicycle built for 4 organisms.'

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

Fort

"When I'm with you, Miss Lawson, the billable hours just fly by."

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

David Lean

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

All quiet in MoneyLaunderingCo whilst the men dispute the ironing roster.

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

'Looked fine with one head. Besides, two heads are better than one is such a cliche.'

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

'I made it to the top the old-fashioned way. I recorded my ex-husband's inappropriate remarks, then blackmailed him.'

"It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer’s true IP address, name, birthdate, and bank account number… …and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It cost me a vinyl record, a mountain dew and a crate of cheetos, but was worth it."

"Criminal masterminds have to do better at maths, Abercrombie."

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.

"Idiot! Who leaves a tip?!"

How Deterrence Works