Criminal Mastermind Appreciator Pillows

All quiet in MoneyLaunderingCo whilst the men dispute the ironing roster.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Change of crime for a bored criminal

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

Cartoon Gangsters - I'm gonna have to get Lumpy to rub you out!

"I hate finding billing codes for this guy..."

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

Here Lies Bill Smith, Victim of a Mad Axe Murderer, Rest in Pieces

The End.

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

I love myself.

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

"I've moved into corporate theft."

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

"Idiot! Who leaves a tip?!"

"Well―what's for barbecue...?"