Criminal Mastermind Appreciator Pillows

All quiet in MoneyLaunderingCo whilst the men dispute the ironing roster.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

Man, I could destroy a chocolate donut with sprinkles right now

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

Change of crime for a bored criminal

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

Cartoon Gangsters - I'm gonna have to get Lumpy to rub you out!

"I hate finding billing codes for this guy..."

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

Here Lies Bill Smith, Victim of a Mad Axe Murderer, Rest in Pieces

I love myself.

The End.

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

"I've moved into corporate theft."

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.

"Idiot! Who leaves a tip?!"

How Deterrence Works