Aspiring Criminal Mastermind Pillows

"Criminal masterminds have to do better at maths, Abercrombie."

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

Yes, inspector, it's another cold-blooded murder!

"I'll say one thing - you're full of surprises."

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST, 'He wants to be a cop!'

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'What would happen if we hired two private detectives to follow each other?'

"I have mess recognition. I show my messy room and my phone knows it has to be me."

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

Weapon of mass destruction to King's castle gambit

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

All quiet in MoneyLaunderingCo whilst the men dispute the ironing roster.

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

Fighting corruption

"Idiot! Who leaves a tip?!"

"Now the tricky part: getting the original out of the frame and getting mine into it."