Criminal Mastermind In Training Pillows

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"Mom told me to make my vegetables disapear."

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'

Pranking Zombies

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

Fort

'This should come out just right.'

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

'I didn't realize the locksmithing test would be this tough.'

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

Of the seven, which dwarf do you identify with?

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'When I said we need to put some magic back into our marriage...'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

Weapon of mass destruction to King's castle gambit

All quiet in MoneyLaunderingCo whilst the men dispute the ironing roster.

"He just walked out - right in the middle of our act."

Property of April Fool

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

'Looked fine with one head. Besides, two heads are better than one is such a cliche.'

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.