Maniacal Mastermind Gifts

I've had four espresso shots and a red bull. Look out post office, here comes Sadie! Post office? You're fueling up so you have the strength to endure the long lines? Ha. I'm creating the lines. I get to the counter with a stack of complicated questions, then watch the people behind me go nuts with frustration! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!!! One of the best maniacal laughs in the business.

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'Our financial troubles are over, Edna. The fellas and I have formed a boy band.'

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

"I want you to leave here today with a message of joy!..."

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

The Staff Meeting.

'Maybe I should abandon my crew and keep all the treasure for myself!'

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Elevator dilemma.

Larry, working on the great American stick-up note.

'To err is human. To really mess up, we've got to do some planning.'

'Are you gonna answer that?'

Commercial music

I heard you're on your way to Europe to secure a source of black market hepatitis C drugs. What? What are you talking about? I deny everything. Where did you hear that? You added an airplane pillow, the "German For Dummies," the book "Hep C and You," and "Smugglerco Duffel Bag w/Secret Compartment" to your Amazon wishlist. I ordered you the book "Not Everyone Is Cut Out For A Life Of Crime." I deny everything.

Book sections, 'crime' and 'master crime'.

'I told you not to do that. Now put it back.'

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"There's good news and bad news. The good news is, I've made a generous contribution to your leaving present."

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

"I have mess recognition. I show my messy room and my phone knows it has to be me."

'Three iron.'

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

'Looked fine with one head. Besides, two heads are better than one is such a cliche.'

"Finish your homework first, then you can hack into Trump's tax returns."

'We lucked out and drew a liberal judge -- I'll see if you can write a term paper for extra credit.'

"It reminds me of the time I hired a 17-year-old nerd to track down a spammer’s true IP address, name, birthdate, and bank account number… …and shipped the spammer two tons of manure purchased with his entire life savings. Excellent question. I get letters like this all the time ever since I publicly announced my email address. It cost me a vinyl record, a mountain dew and a crate of cheetos, but was worth it."