Retirement Ruminator Gifts

'Your 401k doesn't look a day over 20.'

"He doesn't seem to be accepting retirement too well."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

"In the room the women come and go. Talking of Michelangelo."

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

An epiphany is the sudden realization of essential meaning. An "explanation point"!

Potts is having a job keeping up with the young turks.

'Your previous work experience... surely you jest.'

"I think...therefore I am. I think."

Neptune: the retirement years.

"I really like smart women."

'The secret to happiness is awaiting F.D.A. approval.'

'Have you got something that says, 'I've got a headache?''

"Show-off!"

'I don't see how you were able to work for so many years. Since you've retired you can't do a thing.'

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

In Case of Accidents

I was considered a part time employee since I only worked one night a year and thus wasn't eligible for the pension plan, so here I am in my golden years.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

"I see you're on a date at the moment but perhaps later we could meet for a latte."

"Just like he did when he was alive the lazy sod!"

'I know I retired just last week, Mr. Hartwell, but could I have my job back? My wife fired me.'

Lunch at the Old Cowboy's Home

'I'm afraid I'm in for some dull retirement years.'

Oops, I spilled coffee on my resume. Uh-oh, that's a stain on your record!

"Carl made retirement plans with his money, but not with his time."

Retirement

"To meet the government requirements, I'm passing the extra costs to the consumer and our employees."

Retirement Presentation - ...try and get a hobby so you won't be calling back to see us.

"Are you finally going to admit that you've run out of things to do now that you're retired?"

"The salesman was right, a carpet with a darker colour will hide all manner of sins."