Retirement Roast Gifts

'Your previous work experience... surely you jest.'

"Good game."

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Pilot with champagne.

"I was young and cocky because I wasn't aware of my shortcomings. Now I'm old and cocky because I can't remember what they are."

"Damn those dugout Martinis!"

Harsh Mellows.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Stairlift around cliff face.

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

"We do all those old tricks electronically now."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'...I said we've been marooned.'

'Is this a party, a cheese and wine do, a cocktail party, a soiree or just another of your old cronies get-togethers?'

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

Old Karate Master

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'You see doctor I've been increasingly Forgetful.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"My novel is about a romance between an octogenarian and a septuagenarian, but I can't remember which is which."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."