Roast Roaster Gifts

'There's a problem with dinner - the roast didn't.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

Marshmallows

Harsh Mellows.

"Dad! Dad! It's freezing out here! I wish we had a fireplace to get all cozy and roast marshmallows!"

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'Marshmallows ready! Now for the roasting...'

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"A little lamb please."

"Really? You mean you’ve never smoked a joint?"

The lesser known active volcanoes.

The Burning Bush: How God convinced Moses to Lead His people a.k.a. the origin of s'mores.

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

Chicken

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

Trash-talkin' artists

The First Roast Chicken.

'Hey, look at this beauty... Man, I love those crunchy, well tanned sweethearts!'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'Your previous work experience... surely you jest.'

Marshmallow Roast

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

Emergency box in woods contains supplies for a campfire.

"Oh stop judging me, Gerald!"

Scary Marshmallow Campfire Stories.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

Zombie scout issues