Retirement Joker Pillows

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"He claims to be self aware but he clearly can't read a room."

How do fish get to work?

'Lion!'

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"I studied ancient history while I was out sick. I read the magazines in my doctor's office."

"You think I can be an assistant manager?"

Bear Market

"Even though I wasn't making a big salary, I always saved ten percent of my messages."

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

'I know I retired just last week, Mr. Hartwell, but could I have my job back? My wife fired me.'

'Looks like she's having a bad hare day.'

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

"Come on, Tom ... get an afterlife, will you?"

'And the name of your bank please?'

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

Old husband is knitted over by old wife.

Jockey trying to push a horse over a jump.

"When I retired they gave me a gold watch. It stopped working when I did."

'Lawyer, huh? I'm in finance myself!'

'I don't either have to pay a penalty for early withdrawal!'

"I just wanna make sure my teacher is doing her job right."

Retirement Presentation - ...try and get a hobby so you won't be calling back to see us.

"Do you have a minute to talk about your retirement years?"

Dave talks about the life as a Paramedic...