Retirement Jokes Fan Pillows

"There goes Wagstatte's retirement present"

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

When scientists come out of retirement.

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Old basketball players never die. . . they just pick and roll.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"Show-off!"

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

Old Pope's Home

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

Bear Market

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

"Even though I wasn't making a big salary, I always saved ten percent of my messages."

Old fly...retirement home.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

"Sorry 008, nothing for you again..."

Act Your Age

'O.K...O.K...I won't mention retirement again!'

Oap recruitment.

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

'Grandma said the only thing you like to draw is your pension!'

"Since he retired I like to keep in handy around the house."

'Did we ever hit menopause?'

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"Leaving parties aren’t as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

'My Dad just retired, and now he wants me to give him an allowance.'

"I've given up the ghost"