Commuting Joker Pillows

How do fish get to work?

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

Jogging Bottoms

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

The next fast train has gone.

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

Long-legged clown...

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

Adult Absence Notes.

False encouragement.

AL'S GYM, 'We're going to make a new man of you!' 'Will he have new credit cards?'

'I brought my mini bar with me.'

'Backseat driver...'

A child plots to frighten his father with a fake shark fin.

The bus home.

'Please be quiet while the attempts to locate your head.'

Cricket with a hamster in a plastic ball.

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

"I don't know who hid it there but that one's got your name all over it."

Need a Lawyer?

Tred carefully mill.

Man on tube using dreadlock as support.

Running With Scissors Marathon

No petting in the pool!