Commuting Jester Pillows

Please use tunnel vision,

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

Born In Captivity.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Women in a cross country race

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"An open one-to-one environment is what you want, an open one-to-one environment is what you get, Ms Praed."

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

The breakup

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

'That's part of out in-house, stress management program...'

We're looking at better ways to share our knowledge & expertise. But I'm not going to tell you what they are.'

'My stretch goal for this year is to get 52 weekly paychecks.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Welcome to the office. . . Someone will be along to remove your self esteem and install your paranoia.'

'I'm going to have to transfer you to someone I don't like.'

Slave Drivers.

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'It's important to be able to express anger, Winthrop, but not in my presence.'