Retiree Friend Gifts

'I can't seem to find the crackers, but I did find my spleen!'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You know you're getting old when..."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

Heavy meals on wheels

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Remote Control Duck

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"You're right, they are statins."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

Medication for the elderly

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

Maybe you should leave the evolving to the younger fish.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'