Retiree Friend Pillows

'I can't seem to find the crackers, but I did find my spleen!'

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"Why bother?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Heavy meals on wheels

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Remote Control Duck

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"You're right, they are statins."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

Medication for the elderly

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."