Retired Friend Pillows

"Excuse me, this is the work table."

'Ooh... Bless you!'

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"Why bother?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

Heavy meals on wheels

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

Remote Control Duck

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

An old man plays a prank on the grim reaper

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"You're right, they are statins."

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

Medication for the elderly

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."