Retail Warrior Gifts

Crazy Ed's Warehouse - body in freezer - "Nobody beats our prices and gets away with it."

"It's important to treat ALL customers as INDIVIDUALS. This for example is individual No. 768-po-56cl."

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'The manager says 'tough sh*t'.'

Sold It All.

Customer Service Signs.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

"Who do I complain to about your complaint department?"

"Seems we're always on our feet around here."

The Commandos go shopping

"Mr. Rod gave me my employee review. He said I totally 'meet expectations'."

"How many auto parts stores do you think there are in this state?"

"Things might run smoother, Johnson, if you take the 'cuss' out of customer."

"...Well, I don't know. The sign's obscured, so I suppose it could say anything."

"This is a once a year sale and I intend to ge what I came to buy!"

Fitting Rooms and Nothing Fits Room

"Mind wiping that scanner first? There's no telling whose stuff has been dragged over it."

First day on the shop floor.

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

"I'm addicted to online shoppin. It's so bad that I have a hallway full of unopened parcels."

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

Rude customer tapping busy assistant on shoulder.

Ok, settle down, who saw the customer first?

"I'm sorry, sir. The manager said, you bought it, tough s**t."

'I told her to be careful shopping where the clothes are to die for.'

To get customer service please scream loudly 'Dear God is there no one there, what do I have to do to get serviced...I'm going to take my money somewhere else...'

Let's go, young man. Off to the mall! We're off to the mall. I thought we'd hit the big box retailers, then the food court, and finish off with a bookstore. Wait. When you said we were going shopping, I thought you meant we'd surf the net, check Amazon, read product reviews … No, no, soft internet shopper. This is actual shopping at a physical mall, cut-throat old-lady style. Is that a pith helmet?

"She's a little traumatized—this is her first Wal-Mart."

"It's our way of saying, 'Thank you for shopping at Wilson's.' "

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"How was work?"

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Myths and legends...

Changing Room Decisions