Retail Innovator T-Shirts

"See? You don't need fancy window displays to attract attention...just get some police tape!"

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

'She dressed herself this morning.'

"Like my new haircut?"

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"I'm a pragmatist, Leon. Before I put a new product on the market, I ask myself, 'Will it sell?' "

New! Paint Bombs: 'Light the wick, and you have paint that's extremely easy to apply!'

I'm more than just a sauce, I'm a re-sauce.

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

Television company new recruit

"It's expensive because it connects to the internet."

"Anyone who laughs at my new haircut will be subjected to immediate termination."

Dog Walker

'It's for cutting and pasting.'

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

'Ed says the 'smart money isn't buying furniture right now.'

'I ran into a whittler.'

'With a herd of three cows it doesn't take long for inventory, does it, Dad?'

'I don't know why, but our new natural perfume line just isn't selling.'

"With all this wearable tech, I wish they'd come up with a smart belt."

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

His mane bun is just so wrong.

It's a beautiful day. Take your computer and invent the next crippling internet virus outside.

'...and all of our power suits come with a complimentary surge protector.'

Mutant Mootunes - Pete Poodle Pants

"That one is non-wash. Also no ironing is required."

e-procurement

Having shrewdly grabbed a window fan to bulk up his shirt, Winston hoped his buff look would land him a date.

The latest fall fashion trends

I've found the designer gene.

'I think of it as mending pants, not splicing jeans.'