Resume Improviser Gifts

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

The Hammer

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

'We added on to the couch.'

Thesaurus Editors Applicants,Candidates,Entrants,Inquirers,Job-seekers.

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'