Resume Improviser T-Shirts

"The whole thing is basically fiction. But I just thought my resume could use some spice."

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Jazz is Invented

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

The Hammer

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"We'll have to eat out tonight - I misplaced the can opener."

'We have an emergency, ladies and gentlemen! We need help - can anybody in the audience play the tambourine.'

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

Washing Line - "I thought you wanted a clothes dryer."

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

"The line in the script was actually 'Woof woof,' but, when we started shooting, 'Bow wow' came out, and the rest is history."

'We added on to the couch.'

'I'm from the temp agency, who are you?'

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

Thesaurus Editors Applicants,Candidates,Entrants,Inquirers,Job-seekers.

There were drastic cutbacks in the orchestra's budget.

"She'll only eat it if I cut it up in cloverleaf shapes, serve it on a blue plate, and do a little dance as I serve it."

'So, what part of the house are we delivering shock and awe to this weekend?'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

"OK, OK, you got in to see me. I'll read your resume!"