Restaurant Reviews Gifts

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

"Is everything OK? You haven't photographed your food."

"I fear this place is going downhill."

"You tell him it needs more salt, I'm not telling him!"

"A restaurant critic! I hope she doesn't make this place sound too good."

"You'll like this place. The food is eclectic without being schizophrenic."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"You think your table location is bad? - Ours is in there!"

"The food is excellent, the silverware is radioactive and the dishes contain lead."

"He's one of the few genuine food critics left....he still fills his pen with Spanish squid ink."

"In case anyone walks by and sees the bottle you ordered, we offer a sticker saying your first bottle was rated 98."

'William and I dug up this little place just last week!'

DAVE'S DINER, 'Well, you heard wrong, pal - We serve TERRE Haute cuisine here.'

'If her dog likes the leftovers, we'll get a good review.'

'Molly here would like your immediate apology for the substandard service and wilty lettuce on her BLT!'

'He just comes in to laugh at our menu.'

'5 hygiene stars! Shame the food tastes like toilet tissue!'

"Trust you to pick a restaurant that serves indigestion tablets rather than after dinner mints."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

"...and you!? Did you like yours?"

"This place was nicer before they put the open cans of dog food on the bar."

"4 eggs, no discernable style."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"