Restaurant Reviews Pillows

"It was ok, but could be improved by cooking!"

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

"Is everything OK? You haven't photographed your food."

"This is my final offer: you get 18% and a kind word on Yelp."

"I fear this place is going downhill."

"You tell him it needs more salt, I'm not telling him!"

"A restaurant critic! I hope she doesn't make this place sound too good."

"You'll like this place. The food is eclectic without being schizophrenic."

When Gordon Ramsay gets re-incarnated as a fly.

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"Waiter... This roast chicken. Can I see it's death certificate please?"

"You think your table location is bad? - Ours is in there!"

"The food is excellent, the silverware is radioactive and the dishes contain lead."

"He's one of the few genuine food critics left....he still fills his pen with Spanish squid ink."

And so, Rudy unwittingly became an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. At first, he was furious having lost his weekly paycheck. But then it dawned on him: He was back in the dot-com game – for the first time in 20 years. He was practically a venture capitalist! I'm a social media investor. It's a multi-platform play with, obviously, huge mobile capability, global reach, soaring audience share. Revenue model? What? Huh? Beat it.

"In case anyone walks by and sees the bottle you ordered, we offer a sticker saying your first bottle was rated 98."

'William and I dug up this little place just last week!'

DAVE'S DINER, 'Well, you heard wrong, pal - We serve TERRE Haute cuisine here.'

'If her dog likes the leftovers, we'll get a good review.'

'Molly here would like your immediate apology for the substandard service and wilty lettuce on her BLT!'

'He just comes in to laugh at our menu.'

'5 hygiene stars! Shame the food tastes like toilet tissue!'

"Trust you to pick a restaurant that serves indigestion tablets rather than after dinner mints."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

"...and you!? Did you like yours?"

"This place was nicer before they put the open cans of dog food on the bar."

"4 eggs, no discernable style."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'