Restaurant Review Pillows

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I don't see your point. I'm vegan, I expect veggies, and if they don't cater to my wants they're getting zero stars."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Your lobster was off!

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'It's my favorite.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Your meal sounded nice."