Restaurant Reviewer Pillows

'This fortune cookie says, 'You will have good luck investing in emerging markets, fortune cookie & Chopstick Trading Company of Singapore.''

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

"O.K., I'm ready. You can let it go."

The best little steak house in the city / The best little hot dog cart in the city.

'Who gets the soup with the fly in it?'

"Which of tonight's specials is the most sanctimonious?"

"The food was o.k., but the atmosphere was terrible."

'If you want fiber, Madame, I suggest you eat the menu.'

'Ah-HAH!'

Menu

Misfortune cookie.

"While you were deciding, we raised our prices."

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

International House of Excrement

'Did monsieur enjoy the meal?' - 'I could get more nourishment biting my lip.'

Chef and restaurant patrons waiting outside clinic.

'Not really the kind of cafe culture we were hoping to find.'

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

'Brie ok, Sir?'

"Just bring us something dead."

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

Greay spoon - Eat now, pay later!

"I think the waiter wants a tip dear."

"I got the idea from them fancy restaurants that cook your food at the table...."

'This Beef Wellington is as tough as old boots.'

'We don't have any specials today. However, all entrees featuring ingredients known to cause cancer in laboratory animals are half price.

"I detect notes of black cherry with a definite undercurrent of poorly washed dishes."

"Your chicken in red wine, sir."

"We give a lot of our regular diners pet names, his is 'miserable tightwad.'"

"Wow!"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"I'm you from the future. I came back to warn you not to order the scallops-the sauce is a little too creamy."

"Thank you, sir. I see you're not hopelessly liberal."

"I hate it when they do this."