Restaurant Critique Gifts

"This place was better before they tore it down."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"If you wanted the no-smoking section, you should have said so."

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."

'What the hell's wrong now?'

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

"Would sir care to study the menu?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Your lobster was off!

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's my favorite.'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"Your meal sounded nice."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."