Restaurant Critique Gifts

"This place was better before they tore it down."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"If you wanted the no-smoking section, you should have said so."

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."

'What the hell's wrong now?'

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'

"A tip?... Yes, I'll give you a tip. Never eat here, the service is terrible!"

"Would sir care to study the menu?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Your lobster was off!

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's my favorite.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"Your meal sounded nice."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"