Restaurant Reviewers Gifts

"Oh, come on. You liked it fine before you found out this was a chain."

"You can't pull this every time we need to decide where to eat."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Your lobster was off!

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'It's my favorite.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Your meal sounded nice."

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"The food was o.k., but the atmosphere was terrible."

'I really don't know why we bother coming here - the food's always crap.'

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."