Restaurant Reviewing Gifts

"Maybe next time you should pay the bill BEFORE you tell them you're giving the place a lousy online review!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

La Table

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."