Food Reviews Gifts

"The food is great but this place has no atmosphere."

"For those planning to post a nit-picking, fault-finding critique of us online, may I suggest out 'whine and dine' menu."

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

"If you're going to write a review, don't forget to mention our generous portions."

"Done writing your review?"

"The chef sends his apologies, sir, and says he'll try to get it right next time."

"The chef is a frustrated architect."

"Well, what's your recommendation?"

"This is the place to eat if you like your curries hot."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"Of course i can microwave your meal for you, but believe me - it won't make it taste any better."

Al's Diner: Be careful what you ask for!

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"How's your meal OTHERWISE, sir?"

'Not an unqualified success chef...'

'Since when do lentils do the backstroke?'

'If this hamburger is USDA approved, they must be grading on a curve!'

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

6 Brothers Falafel

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'