Restaurant Renegade Gifts

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"She's expecting you."

The expulsion from the Garden of Olive.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Cannibal fine dining.

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

"Give him his food."

'Smoking section or screaming child section?'

'First, let me tell you what i don't want.' Most cases of food poisoning can be avoided by being a little nicer to the waiter.

'Welcome! Seat yourselves! Know how to cook?'

"I can't take you anyplace nice!"

"I'll have the filet mignon aux legumes et fruit d'hiver, with extra cheese."

LAY ZEE FUK

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

A holiday at home

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"It's a recipe from the 'Anti-Christ' cookbook."

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

Organized chaos.

"Now, what? I'm wearing a hair net."

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

A man without a chicken on his head!

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

'The carpet's too thick so I cut a bit off the door.'

'Did you follow a recipe book for this dish?'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

How did people work before computers? They grew food, made clothing and built stuff. Now all that is done outside the country. Not true. What about