Relocation Renegade Gifts

We are on the move. . .

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

A holiday at home

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"Give him his food."

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

Organized chaos.

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

House hunting is cruel.

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

'Can I assume from the rent that this place comes with its own butler?'

'The carpet's too thick so I cut a bit off the door.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"When you are done exercising your finger, the cat would like to talk to you!"

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Exams

DIY store.

'But this IS my mobile home!'

Sistine Chapel - Extreme Makeover: 'Blue's good but lets loss all the clouds and the drama.'

'Just use some extra strength spackle.'

Godfrey Hunting for Lodgings

"Why always a book report? Why not ever a TV show report?"

The lessor of two evils.

"We'll take it from here Gramps." "Yeah, you guys are just so antiquated." "Power 'Tools'"

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'