Restructuring Renegade Gifts

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

That's supposed to say garage sale!

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

A holiday at home

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

Paint/Paint Remover, Glue/Glue Remover...

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

"Give him his food."

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

Organized chaos.

'You are the first and the last of the Mohicans ... out!'

"You gave me the wrong drink. I demand a total refund!!" "OK. Where's the drink?" "What do you mean? I drank it. It wasn't till I was done that I realized it was the wrong drink. The right drink leaves a different aftertaste." "You can't finish the drink and then ask for a refund. That's not how it works." "You didn't tell me that before I paid for the wrong drink. So that's on you." "That's not how it works!"

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'The carpet's too thick so I cut a bit off the door.'

'We could either give you a $50,000 home improvement loan, or $2,000 to just blow your house up.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. VI

"That last customer thinks I should fire you."

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

How did people work before computers? They grew food, made clothing and built stuff. Now all that is done outside the country. Not true. What about

Exams

DIY store.

Godfrey Hunting for Lodgings

Complaints (just kidding).

"We'll take it from here Gramps." "Yeah, you guys are just so antiquated." "Power 'Tools'"

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Sistine Chapel - Extreme Makeover: 'Blue's good but lets loss all the clouds and the drama.'

'Just use some extra strength spackle.'

'I'm sorry, but I just don't think you're cut out to sell real estate.'

We are on the move. . .

It says 'item is returnable if repackaged exactly as sent.'"