Restaurant-going Gifts

'I didn't say your meal wouldn't contain fat. I said the fat would be free.'

'The only thing I can honestly recommend is a generous tip.'

"Do you have a lean cuisine, waiter?"

"The computer accidentally charged you $12,974 for your meal. The good news is we can get that changed within a year or two."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'A cheeky red?'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

La Table

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.