Restaurant-going Pillows

'I didn't say your meal wouldn't contain fat. I said the fat would be free.'

'The only thing I can honestly recommend is a generous tip.'

"The computer accidentally charged you $12,974 for your meal. The good news is we can get that changed within a year or two."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

La Table

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'