Rescue Realist Gifts

Drowning Hand

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

World Production.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

COVID Devotion

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"I've got a pulse!"

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

Blood is thicker than water. Oil is thicker yet.

'You know, I think this is my most boring reincarnation ever!'

How coal creates jobs

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"It's rose, not pink...Because Jesus rose from the dead. He didn't pink from it."

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

"And you're sure we don't need planning permission?"

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

Gas Supply To Europe

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'I didn't get the 'employee of the month', but I was the 'firee of the day'!'

'I thought opportunity was knocking. Turned out, it was the wolf.'