Reputation Redeemer Gifts

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

Sportswasher's

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

"I used to be known as Mr. Nice Guy, but I bought my way out."

'This citation is for finally making that U-Turn in your life.'

'It's the little things that add up - checking receipts, redeeming vouchers, the diamond mine at the bottom of the garden.'

"If you're planning to run for public office, 'a man of conviction' sounds better than 'prison parolee'."

'Sure, I did all that stuff once, but this is the NEW me.'

"Now that's what I call an offer you can't refuse!"

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

'Promise me one thing, Lorraine... you won't tell my friends we met at a church picnic?'

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

Scrooge

"I spend January through November every year rebuilding my reputation after the annual holiday party."

"You know, it's guys like you that give guys like me a bad name!"

'That's our founder and his parole officer.'

"Hey, Mr. Taylor, remember me? Eddie Leathley, class 5A... You told me I'd never amount to anything."

Ernie McKelvey, moments before his life is touched by scandal.

"It's horrible to be at the end of my life with all these regrets! Here I am, a stranger to my family because my career was more important than my family..."