Reputation Remodeler Gifts

"If you're planning to run for public office, 'a man of conviction' sounds better than 'prison parolee'."

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

Others' perceptions (which aren't always true)

"I love what you've done with him."

Sportswasher's

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

'I think it's time we got a new headboard.'

Seeing the marriage counselor.

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'Welcome home, dear. While you were away I redecorated...'

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

'This is really going to tarnish his legacy, Al.'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"I used to be known as Mr. Nice Guy, but I bought my way out."

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"In my family we're forbidden from mentioning my uncle...he made his money with cat food stocks!"

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

'She's caught him, but she doesn't seem able to land him.'

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

Home Solutions. . . Body Language Screen

'I recommed that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life.'

Earl, I emerged from my shell months ago, and you never even noticed.

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

"Here's a letter from a housewife in the southern tier of the kingdom. She writes: 'Sire, would it or would it not be appropriate to use a sand-finish latex paint on a wall on which there remains some painted-over wallpaper? Respectfully, Mrs. R. Jones.'"

'Promise me one thing, Lorraine... you won't tell my friends we met at a church picnic?'

Working from home.

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

"First, let me suggest separate bathrooms."

"This isn't going to look good on my website."

'When was the last time you had a tune up?'