Reputation Defenders Gifts

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

The Anti-Agent

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

Social media and censorship...

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Countless observations and calculations based on the scientific method led me to the conclusion that the center of the universe is not planet earth, but. . ."

Autocensure

Elizabeth Warren is kicked out of the Senate for reading Coretta Scott King's letter about Jeff Sessions.

Sugar Crunchies - Free Dental Treatment.

"I mind my mother, eat my broccoli and do my homework, but you won't tell the guys, will you?"

Man losing his honesty

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

"Don't mess with that guy. He's a real hardwood."

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

Radomly selected poll respondent

'ANOTHER fatwah?! Who have you been sharing your thoughts with this time?'

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

"I used to be known as Mr. Nice Guy, but I bought my way out."

'No, I'm not wearing high heels. I look taller because the minimum wage will increase and now I can stand taller.'

Book Burning is Always Wrong?

Steve Bannon opens fire on a reporter.

EXPLAIN WHY YOU HAVE NOT REGISTERED WITH THE LOCAL POETRY OFFICE.

'...I'm the only one here who's outrageously high opinion of themselves is actually justified.'

Freedom of Press

Will give expert witness testimony for food

Pierre-Auguste Renoir - Portrait of the Artist Rebuked by Jesse Helms

The War on Handbills, Continued

'Promise me one thing, Lorraine... you won't tell my friends we met at a church picnic?'

Spring Break. You're putting sunscreen on a novel? I think book burning is a dangerous thing.

I was going to make you a rich woman, but you're done. Fine with me. I don't care what percentage I'll get. I won't let you play with my reputation. I won't let you trade in fake scandal. Perfect. What? We got your anger on videotape. Your redemption is complete. You're back on the air. Even my head is spinning.

Support Our Apologists.

"Make it count and you'll become number one."