Redemption Reviewer Gifts

'We may have to lower our standards.'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"Dad, Cruz and I are going to see 'Planet of the Apes.'"

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

"Mr. Caldwell comes to us from a minimum-security correctional facility in Pennsylvania."

"They're remaking the old 'Dracula' film again..."

'My whole life flashed before my eyes. I want to talk to the guy who did the editing.'

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

The Confessional: a bored priest listens to a confession.

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

'It's the little things that add up - checking receipts, redeeming vouchers, the diamond mine at the bottom of the garden.'

'This citation is for finally making that U-Turn in your life.'

'If Jesus died to forgive our sins, the least we can do is commit a few.'

'You can't keep blaming everything on the Mongol hordes.'

'Sure, I did all that stuff once, but this is the NEW me.'

"Now that's what I call an offer you can't refuse!"

"Buying stuff online has rekindled Sean's literary ambitions. They're always asking for customer reviews."

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

"I had a bad review, so I'm only a 3-1/2 star general."

'Convenience Product Quarterly calls it 'one of a kind...shattering.''

Scrooge

Bad Reads

"Hey, Mr. Taylor, remember me? Eddie Leathley, class 5A... You told me I'd never amount to anything."

'That's our founder and his parole officer.'

'It's my own fault for not checking the reviews.'

"It's horrible to be at the end of my life with all these regrets! Here I am, a stranger to my family because my career was more important than my family..."

Twitter Cafe: 'We Serve What We Think You Will Like.'

"You know a game is close when every time you watch the replay the result changes."

Democrats Are Still Scared of Trump